


c'est la vie

by cobaltwrites



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Christmas, Fake Dating, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Kissing, M/M, Panic Attacks, idk what else to tag I’ll add to this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-11 08:53:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28468578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cobaltwrites/pseuds/cobaltwrites
Summary: Corpse gently reached over and softly nudged at one of Sykkuno’s hands on the steering wheel, taking it off and holding it in his own hand. Sykkuno looked very, very surprised. ‘It’s okay. You don’t have to know. I have experience, so I’ll put on a show for them. You can just follow my lead.’ Corpse gave him a smile under his mask. Sykkuno seemed to still be captivated by their joint hands. If his parents could see them from a window right now, it would be a win.Or a fake dating au during with the festive season no one asked for!
Relationships: Corpse Husband & Sykkuno (Video Blogging RPF), Corpse Husband/Sykkuno (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 26
Kudos: 255





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> hello yes i have no idea what im doing
> 
> this is purely based on corpse & sykunno's online persona's per say, and just a little fun. if the two ever express any discomfort about fanfics this will be deleted :)
> 
> will be multiple chapters, not sure how many but i hope you enjoy reading it!! also ratings etc may change, im not 100% sure!

**Sykkuno** : Corpse!

**Sykkuno** : oh god corpse!!

**Sykkuno** : oh Jesus!!

**Sykkuno** : my family think we are dating

**Sykkuno** : corpse!!!!

Corpse squints at his phone screen in the dark room, the messages dating back to a few hours ago. He stares at the messages with wide eyes, shuffling in his bed. He had been sleeping, somehow he had fallen asleep but his body had suddenly waken as a notification from Twitter lit up his phone. _Damn_ , he really needed to turn those off, or chuck his phone into an abyss for bedtime. He blinked twice, trying to get his brain to work, wondering if he was dreaming.

**Corpse** : are we not? ;)

He sends the message. It’s stupid.

Sykkuno responds to him straight away.

**Sykkuno** : corpse!! this is serious!! my parents want to meet you

Corpse falls back to a lying down position with a huff, room silent. Of course this is serious. Sykkuno is always serious.

Corpse rolls over and looks the messages again on his phone, rubbing his eye. They were known to flirt with each other a little bit here and there during streams. Corpse enjoyed it, it made streaming more fun and their fans seemed to like a little banter here and there too. Corpse really enjoyed making Sykkuno blush and cover his face when Corpse said something a little naughty or suggestive, trying to get a good reaction out of the older man. Though, Sykkuno would often make comments about wanting to make Corpse laugh on purpose, or would go out of his way to cheer him up when his body was acting up and he wasn’t feeling the best. Corpse was used to people flirting with him and _wanting_ him because of his deep voice and dark personality, but when it came to flirting with Sykkuno it felt different and special and _real_. The way he thinks of Sykkuno’s smooth voice and kind personality makes his stomach flutter and gut twist. He definitely has some feelings for the man, but he wasn’t so sure about Sykkuno feeling the same way about him. 

**Corpse** : why

Is all he sends back.

**Sykkuno** : my parents think I have been hiding it from them :(

**Sykkuno** : they think we are secretly seeing each other

**Sykkuno** : they won’t leave me alone!! Corpse!!!

**Sykkuno** : oh, and they already invited you to Christmas dinner

It might have been true. Maybe it did seem they where secretly hiding a relationship from the world, as many of their fan base might have speculated. But in reality it wasn’t true. But the concept that Sykkuno’s family would think they were together? It did his head in. His head spun with confusion, but also satisfaction that maybe finally some people were starting to understand his flirting with Sykkuno wasn’t just all fun and games to him.

But Christmas was only a couple of days away.

**Corpse** : and you can’t tell them we’re not...?

**Sykkuno** : I tried!!!! They don’t believe me!!!

**Corpse** : ...and you want me to do what?

**Sykkuno** : ...

Corpse was puzzled by the entire conversation. What did Sykkuno want from him? Why was he even telling him this at god forbid — _1am_ in the morning?

**Incoming voice call** from Sykkuno. Corpse gingerly but happily accepted.

‘Corpse! Oh Corpse!’ Corpse chuckled at Sykkuno’s urgency, Corpse’s voice a low deep sound, brushed over with the heaviness of sleep that would make anyone’s spine tingle. ‘Just straight up tell me, Sykkuno.’

‘You can’t tell them we’re not dating — I’ve already tried so it’s beyond the point but — they are so happy Corpse! That I’ve finally found someone. I can’t take it away from them — especially not now at Christmas time, it would ruin everything!’

Corpse could feel a blush creeping up on his cheeks. In one way he was feeling flustered at the entire situation, and in another way he was kind of offended. Did he care what Sykkuno’s parents thought of him? Yes, and no. Did he care what Sykkuno thought of him? Hell yes. Did he secretly like what he was hearing,? _Fuck_ yes.

‘So...?’ He responded, hoping that Sykkuno wouldn’t be able to pick up at any emotion in his voice. The entire conversation was beyond him at this point. He felt like reality wasn’t real, that he was just floating in empty space.

‘You visit for Christmas. Show them we are dating. Then “break up” later in the New Year.’ Sykkuno proposed, flatly.

Corpse was silent for a long time. The idea of being remotely affectionate to Sykkuno in real life made his brain want to explode. Was he hearing this right? What was Sykkuno even suggesting? Was there anything else to it?

‘Corpse...?’ He heard Sykkuno say, unsure.

‘So like fake dating?’ Corpse blurted out suddenly.

Sykkuno was silent for a second.

‘Yeah, I guess so.’ Corpse could hear the man shrugging through the tone of his voice.

Both men were silent for a moment. Corpse couldn’t hear anything but the buzz of _oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck_ repeating faster and faster in his head. Would he have to... _hold Sykkuno’s hand_? Would he have to... _embrace him_? God forbid... _KISS HIM_? No... it was only for a couple of hours at most, wasn’t it? How long did Christmas Dinners usually go for?

‘...What if I say no?’ Corpse said, slightly curious. The entire concept had enthralled him, but he wanted to know if there was anything else to it. If Sykkuno was really telling him all this truly for the sake of his family or if Sykkuno was making any of it up just to get with him. Thought he highly doubted it the second option, but his heart secretly wished for it.

Sykkuno started rattling off on about his parents and siblings, how he’d never hear the end of it, how could he not invite his boyfriend over on Christmas? After everything they’ve seen between them on the internet? Why would you flirt so much with this man if you weren’t interested in him? Did he hate his family? Does he not love his boyfriend? How could he be such a terrible person? That’s it! Banned from the internet for an entire month! But he’s a full grown adult and can do whatever he wants! Then move out now! But I can’t stop streaming! What do I do, Corpse?

So it was true. It really was for the sake of his parents, mostly. Corpse couldn’t wrap his head around it. But this was Sykkuno, after all. Cat ear wearing, soft voice, _girls-aren’t-into-me_ Sykkuno. It was a weird situation, one he would never have imagined to ever happen, but of course Corpse wouldn’t have declined. In one way he was kind of hesitant about the whole situation but on the other hand? He’d probably never have this opportunity again, Sykkuno would never actually date him, so he might as well play the game and enjoy being close to the man for one night. Oh, he could play this fake dating well. _So well_. And he would enjoy every fucking single second if it.

‘Okay.’ Corpse said, matter of factly and plain, stopping Sykkuno in his tracks. Of course he was still blabbering, but now he sounded very surprised, as if he didn’t think Corpse would agree to his bizarre request.

‘Oh god, Corpse!!’ Sykkuno started, his voice all dramatic again, ‘Thank you! Don’t worry, we don’t have to do anything too much... just like maybe holding hands! Or we don’t even have to do that if you don’t want... I promise I’ll pay you back in some way later!’

Corpse smiled to himself and put his phone down on his bed. _God_ , he thought... he was in for some trouble. He had heard of these ‘fake dating’ things before. Ones where two would go in and somehow they would end up together as a real couple at the end. God, he wanted that. But this was only for Sykkuno to get his family off his back. In the end Sykkuno didn’t have any feelings for him. How did Sykkuno even let this happen to him? How did he let this happen to _himself_? He guessed there was really only one thing he could do about this... _c'est la vie_ , accept it.

Corpse wasn’t too nervous about it. The two had already met in real life a couple of times. He wanted to see Sykkuno again anyway, to hand deliver him some merch if Sykkuno wasn’t planning on buying any. God, he would look so _hot_ in one of his shirts.

‘Corpse?’ He heard a soft voice radiating from his phone, shyly. Corpse put him on speaker. ‘Christmas Day? Should I pick you up around six?’

Corpse nodded, then realised he was on the phone and couldn’t see him. ‘Sounds good. Do I need to bring anything...?’

Corpse wasn’t accustomed to directly celebrating Christmas with the entire dinner, presents, family. He hadn’t even bought any presents or anything this year. Nor had he really planned on doing anything special for the occasion. He had his merch drop planned near the date, that was all.

‘Just yourself!!’ Sykkuno exclaimed, the excitement radiating through his voice. Corpse could tell Sykkuno was smiling widely on the other end of the phone. Well, at least Corpse had made him happy in some way.

Corpse could not wait for Christmas Day. But in the other hand, he could wait. He was in two minds of it.

_~_

‘Hey, _Babe_!’ Sykkuno exclaimed as he entered Corpse’s apartment. It was five thirty so Sykkuno was technically early, but Corpse was still getting his head together for the night. Corpse had started referring to the man with pet names such as _baby_ , _honey_ , _love_ as a joke for the two to prepare for the occasion throughout the past few days, and Sykkuno had gladly taken it up as well. It made Corpse feel funny whenever Sykkuno used the terms on him, but in a good way.

Sykkuno was wearing a comfy Christmas sweater in his signature green. There was a Christmas tree on the front, with some real tinsel sewn into the fabric. It made him look goofy but in a cute way, Corpse decided. Corpse was wearing all black. 

‘Good to see you again, Sy. In person.’ He added, as the two had only seen each other a few hours ago via video call. Corpse crouched down, putting on his black converse.

‘Oh, god, I can’t thank you enough for doing this for me Corpse.’ Sykkuno started — for the _millionth_ time Corpse had heard his spiel about how thankful he was for him and all he was doing.

_You can thank me with a nice kiss_ , Corpse thought as he tied his shoelace, _or make out with me instead_.

Corpse thought Sykkuno looked good. Really good. His hair was all fluffed up, his legs long and lean in black jeans and face smooth and kissable. He looked like he was very excited for Christmas. Did he look like too much of a bummer, wearing all black? Black jeans, black hoodie, black shoes...

‘Wait.’ Corpse exclaimed and left a surprised Sykkuno to go change his shirt. He re-emerged wearing a long sleeve navy button up he never wore. But Sykkuno gazed at him with surprise and a huge smile, so really he took it as a win.

It only took half an hour of driving to reach Sykkuno’s family’s house. It looked nice, and cozy, Corpse thought. Christmas lights where lit up outside on the gutters of the roof and some in the garden. There was a small Santa sign at the front door, holding a sign that said _Santa Stop Here!_ Sykkuno smiled at him when he noticed Corpse looking at it. Corpse smiled and put his face mask on.

‘Are you ready?’ Corpse asked the older man who seemed to still be gripping the steering wheel with some force, even though they had been stopped in the drive way for a couple of minutes now. Corpse thought he was nervous, but Sykkuno? He looked white as a ghost.

‘Corpse — I—I am... nervous. What if I’m no good at it? I’ve never been with someone before. What if they catch on?’

Corpse gently reached over and softly nudged at one of Sykkuno’s hands on the steering wheel, taking it off and holding it in his own hand. Sykkuno looked very, very surprised. ‘It’s okay. You don’t have to know. I have experience, so I’ll put on a show for them. You can just follow my lead.’ Corpse gave him a smile under his mask. Sykkuno seemed to still be captivated by their joint hands. If his parents could see them from a window right now, it would be a win.

Sykkuno swallowed heavily. ‘O—okay...’ he said, quietly. Their eyes met each other and Corpse felt a surge of confidence. No matter what happened after tonight... Corpse would enjoy it as much as he possibly could. He was going to make Sykkuno his, for one night. And if was going to be the best night ever. He hoped.

‘Let’s do this.’


	2. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘Hey,’ Corpse starts, sitting next to him on his bed. Corpse hadn’t noticed how stiff Sykkuno was, but now he did. ‘Just remember what I said in the car, right? Let me lead. Just follow me. Like dancing.’ Corpse reached out and took one of Sykkuno’s hands again with both of his, and started gently massaging it. Corpse felt the other man relax a little bit as he rubbed between his knuckles, Sykkuno obviously enjoying the gesture. Corpse might’ve been slightly obsessed with Sykkuno’s hands, just a little bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, i have no idea what i am doing oop
> 
> i haven’t really written chaptered fanfic before, so sorry if it sucks!!  
> thank you to everyone commenting and leaving kudos for the support so far!
> 
> also i don’t really know much about Sykkuno’s fam, so forgive me lol

‘Come in, come in!’ Sykkuno’s mom eagerly let them in, smile plastering her face. Of course one of Sykkuno’s parents had been waiting by the door, watching, waiting for their arrival. Corpse found it a little strange, to have someone waiting for him, waiting to spend the entire evening with him. Sykkuno took off the green scarf he had put on for the trip from the car to the front door, placing it gently on the rack on the wall. There were a few other cluttered things hanging there, mostly winter wear for the season. Bimbus, Sykkuno’s little white fluff ball was waiting eagerly at Corpse’s feet, interested in meeting the new person. Corpse tightened his grip on Sykkuno’s hand and gave a very small wave to the dog.

‘Mom, this is Corpse.’ Sykkuno started, vaguely gesturing up and down Corpse, ‘oh, you know. She’s seen a lot of your videos and stuff.’ He told Corpse directly, giving him a nervous smile.

‘Nice to meet you.’ Corpse said proper gentlemanly, smiling under his mask. He nodded slightly to her at her giddiness as she started to drag them further into the house, further from proper escape. Corpse tried not to trip over the dog who was walking with them very excitedly.

‘No need for you to wear that mask in his house, dear! You are welcome to take it off. Definitely make yourself at home!’

A nicely decorated tree sat in the corner of the living room. There was still some presents littered under it, as well as some wrapping paper rubbish here and there. The house was nicely decorated with other Christmas decor, little festive trees of different colours here and there, tinsel decorating the TV stand under the TV.Corpse could smell the dinner in the kitchen which seemed to be still in the process of cooking, but it smelt absolutely delicious. It had been awhile since he had a proper home cooked meal and his stomach was suddenly growling with eagerness. It all felt very strange to him; the atmosphere, the welcoming strides from Sykkuno’s mother, the act of feeling wanted in the moment. He pondered this as he stood awkwardly next to the other two people.

But there wasn’t anyone else to see in the room, so Sykkuno started pulling him by his arm.

‘I’ll show Corpse to my room for a bit, Ma.’ He said quickly, ‘be down when dinner is ready.’

Sykkuno pulled the younger man into his room, quickly closing the door behind him. It was a quick escape, Corpse had to admit. In the room Corpse could see Sykkuno’s stream set up, his tidily made bed, some clothes here and there. He had been in this room before when the rest of Sykkuno’s family wasn’t home, so it wasn’t new to him. He liked the simpleness of Sykkuno’s room.

‘You have a nice Mom.’ Corpse said, pulling his mask off.

Sykkuno smiled, and sat down at the edge of his bed. ‘This already feels so much harder than I thought it would be.’

‘Hey,’ Corpse starts, sitting next to him on his bed. Corpse hadn’t noticed how stiff Sykkuno was, but now he did. ‘Just remember what I said in the car, right? Let me lead. Just follow me. Like dancing.’ Corpse reached out and took one of Sykkuno’s hands again with both of his, and started gently massaging it. Corpse felt the other man relax a little bit as he rubbed between his knuckles, Sykkuno obviously enjoying the gesture. Corpse might’ve been _slightly_ obsessed with Sykkuno’s hands, just a little bit.

‘I can’t dance.’ Sykkuno responds, frowning but also looking at where Corpse so delicately touched him.

Corpse let out a hearty laugh, making Sykkuno jump slightly. ‘I’ll teach you one day, how to dance. Look at this.’ Corpse let go of Sykkuno’s hands, and then tenderly grasped Sykkuno’s jaw, Corpse leaning in close and tilting Sykkuno’s face at an angle that would be perfect for a kiss. Corpse was so close he could feel Sykkuno’s unsteady breath against his lips. and he wanted so badly to do nothing but push in further and taste the other man next to him, to get lost in the feeling of them being connected. But as quick as he did it, he was leaning away, leaving Sykkuno with a stunned look, lips puckered as if he had expected a kiss. Corpse felt a pang of disappointment in himself, but continued on anyway.

‘See, you’ve convinced me. We will be fine.’ Maybe Corpse was feeling a bit too over confident.

Corpse could feel a deep blush forming on his face. He could only hope Sykkuno couldn’t see it. The room was quite dark, after all. _Damn_ , he should have just kissed him.

‘Corpse— I, uh,’ Sykkuno started, but was interrupted by the shrill thrill of his phone’s ringtone. He took it out of his pocket and looked at it. “ **Mom** ” was calling him. He ignored the call.

‘Dinner’s ready. That’s how they let me know.’ He said, a bit of an edge to his voice, a small nervous laugh escaping him.

Corpse swallowed, body tensing a little at the edge to Sykkuno’s voice. Had he just made a mistake with the almost kiss? He wasn’t sure, but at least Sykkuno wasn’t freaking out now about the entire situation. _God_ , now he just wanted to make it through the night without the other man disliking him at the end.

But could Sykkuno really hate him? After what he had asked of him, she was sure after tonight both of them would put it behind them, forget about it, and move on with their lives. Or Sykkuno would, but could he? He wasn’t too sure.

He trailed Sykkuno out of his cozy room and back to where they had been before, but this time they didn’t hold hands as they made their ways out.

_Oh shit, oh fuck_. Was all Corpse could think of.

The rest of Sykkuno’s family had decided to turn up. Corpse remembers greeting and meeting them, all nice and jolly for the festive season, but he cannot remember what he said. The interactions sped past him, like he was suddenly driving a speedy car through Sykkuno’s family home, only waving to them all as he passed them. He cannot remember how he got to the point where they were all sitting down at the table, dinner served and people eating. He felt Sykunno’s foot gently propping his, snapping him out of his nervous daze. He picked up his cutlery and started poking around his food, thankfully no one else seemed to notice his little panic attack.

‘Corpse, what made you decide you liked Sykkuno?’ One of Sykkuno’s sisters asked him, the entire family peering interestedly at him.

Corpse coughed a little bit. Well _shit_. Right into the deep questions, huh? This is why he never liked meeting their families. He had a feeling Sykkuno and him should’ve spent more time prepping answers to questions like these. Why hadn’t he?

But _shit_ , right? Might as well talk Sykkuno up, make him feel like the best person in the world. Cause wasn’t he? And if Corpse had already fucked the night up with his little almost kiss before, then he may as well make it better by complimenting Sykkuno in every way he possibly can.

He put his cutlery down and looked at Sykkuno. Sykkuno covered his mouth as he finished eating whatever was on his fork.

‘Sykkuno... is the best man I’ve ever met. He is the most kind hearted and giving person I’ve had the pleasure of knowing.’ Corpse started, noticing the widening of Sykkuno’s eyes, ‘the world would be so dim without his presence making everyone so happy. When I’m with him, I’m the happiest I’ve ever felt, and I hope I never lose that.’

Oh _shit_. Weren’t they supposed to break up after this? Didn’t Corpse just make it seem Sykkuno was the most amazing thing that had ever happened to him? And then he had to go break up with him?

Well, he had meant everything he said. Sykkuno did always make him feel ridiculously happy whenever he talked to him. Something about being with Sykkuno just made him feel like, maybe life was worth living after all.

Sykkuno was looking away from him, blush plastering his face. His family was busy talking about how wonderful he was. How they were so lucky to had found each other. _I was never one for internet dating_ , he heard someone say, _but you two really are so perfect for each other._

Corpse reached out for Sykkuno’s hand, brought it to his face and softly kissed his knuckles. Sykkuno’s gaze snapped from his plate to Corpse in a second. That made Corpse smile, Sykkuno returning a shaky smile back.

~

After the very long and intensive dinner the two found each other back in Sykkuno’s room, back in the same seated positions on his bed. Sykkuno was acting very shy and to be honest, Corpse was feeling very good with himself.

‘Sorry about all the questions they asked. That literally felt like five hours.’ Sykkuno started, looking at his hands.

‘It’s okay. I enjoyed making up the answers for them.’ Corpse smiled. Honestly, he did have fun. Interacting with Sykkuno’s family was entertaining and enjoyable, something he didn’t usually get in his daily life. After his body had cooled down from his invisible panic attack at the start, he had started to enjoy it. He thought Sykkuno had too, after a little bit of time he had relaxed enough to a point where he could respond joyfully.

‘Sorry about all the affection.’ Corpse added, looking over at the man.

Sykkuno actually smiled. He covered his mouth with his hand, but he still smiled. That was a win for Corpse.

‘I think you really did convince them, actually.’ He chuckled, grabbing Corpse’s hand suddenly. ‘It was nice though. I do enjoy affection, even if it might not seem like it. I’m just not so used to receiving it.’ Sykkuno shrugged half-heartedly.

‘Glad to help.’ Corpse said softly, leaning back so he rested against the wall next to Sykkuno’s bed. He gazed tenderly at whatever he could see of Sykkuno while Sykkuno was distracted, looking away from him at his phone or something. Sykkuno’s back, his slender neck, the fluffy hair. He had been so close to him today and it made his chest ache with want.

‘Don’t worry though Corpse, you don’t have to do it for much longer. I can drop you back home after presents are done. I really appreciate you doing this for me.’ He smiled, clueless.

_Oh_. So Sykkuno still didn’t really get it. He thought Corpse was really doing this all for the sake of Sykkuno begging him to do it. He felt his smile drop slightly. Of course. Sykkuno would never have feelings for him, he’d always be too dense to notice anything that Corpse did actually meant something. All the flirting, giving clues and affection Corpse threw out there was welcomed by a brick wall. Was he really that _hard_ to love? Corpse could feel his shoulders slump a little.

Sykkuno’s phone pinged, and Sykkuno’s face perked up at the sound, ‘presents!’

This time Sykkuno followed Corpse back to the living room. Corpse didn’t want the man to see the disgruntled and disappointed look he was sporting. But as soon as they made it back to the busy living room, Corpse changed his expression and hoped no one noticed how he really felt.

They settled next to each other on the sofa. Sykkuno moved a little closer to him for sake of the show, but Corpse made no move to change his position. The rest of the family scattered around on other seats and on the floor, Bimbus laying on the floor near Corpse’s leg.

‘We saved a few presents to open with you Corpse, since we didn’t want you to feel excluded.’ Sykkuno explained, eyes bright and giddy.

‘We have one for you, Corpse.’ Sykkuno’s mother said, smiling and passing him a small nicely wrapped gift.

‘Oh, thank you, really.’ He said, looking at Sykkuno in a way that said _I didn’t buy anyone presents and you said no one would give me any and now I feel bad_. Sykkuno just smiled at him in an encouraging way that said, _open it! Open it!_

He unwrapped it. It was a little box with a gift card in it. It was a nice, simple gift. But it was what was written on the box that got to him.

_For our Son’s beloved partner,_

_Merry Christmas xoxo_

Corpse wanted to cry.

‘Thank you.’ He said, voice heavy.

‘I got you something too, Corpse! Kind of.’ Sykkuno said, jumping up to grab another small gift from under the tree. Corpse hesitantly took it and unwrapped it, trying to appear excited.

‘It’s your _Among Us_ character! I guess it’s not really from me cause a fan gave me some, but I wanted you to have your own.’ Sykkuno smiled, cheery as he could be. Corpse gazed at the gift. It was a little felt made plush of his _Among Us_ character, black, suit, and the wolf ears he always claimed where cat ears. He felt like his heart was going to burst.

‘Thank you, Sykkuno. I wish I had gotten something for you.’ He said gruffly, but sincerely.

‘You being here with me is enough, Corpse.’ Sykkuno said, covering his mouth as he smiled. Corpse felt butterflies emerging in his stomach, yet all he could do is wish he could kiss Sykkuno right now.

_Couldn’t he?_

~

‘Corpse, why don’t you stay the night? It’s getting quite late.’ Sykkuno’s mother suggested from the other side of the room. They had been cleaning up for a little while now, putting wrapping paper into plastic bins and chatting sleepily. A few family members had already resigned for the night. ‘I’m sure Sykkuno would be happy to share his bed with you.’

Corpse’s heart nearly jumped out of his body at the thought of cuddling up to Sykkuno on his small bed, sharing body warmth, feeling Sykkuno breath against him as he tried to lull himself to sleep. ‘I appreciate it, but no thank you. I better be off. It was lovely to spend Christmas with you all.’ He said, as calmly as he could. Corpse couldn’t take the constant pressure anymore. He felt like something was nailing something sharp into his chest.

‘Come on, Corpse.’ Sykkuno said, yawning, nudging him up.

When they got to the front door Corpse stopped him. ‘It’s okay Sy. I’ll call an Uber, you don’t have to drive.’ He said, noticing how sleepy Sykkuno already was.

‘That’s okay Corpse, it’s hardly that late, really.’ Another yawn.

Corpse gave him a knowing look. Then Sykkuno gave in.

‘Let me at least wait with you.’ Sykkuno said, taking Corpse’s hand. He revelled in the feeling for a moment before taking his hand away.

‘It’s okay, Sy. Go to bed. You don’t have to do this anymore.’ Corpse wanted nothing but to go home, crawl in bed and cry his heart out. He had been through a roller coaster of emotions today. It was everything and nothing he ever wanted before. But mostly he was losing what he wanted most, and he knew he would never have it again.

‘But— Corpse—‘ Sykkuno started, reaching out for Corpse’s hand but Corpse shifted his body to block the other man. He really didn’t want to get too involved anymore.

‘There’s your deal. It’s done. Goodnight.’ He said gruffly, going to let himself out as he heard a giggle. Both men turned their head to see Sykunno’s parents watching them. They apparently had not heard any of their small fight, but his mother was peering and smiling up at something over their heads. They both looked up. There was a _mistletoe_ hung strategically above the door.

Corpse stared at it with wide eyes, feeling his heart beat rapidly. Was Sykkuno’s parents expecting them to _kiss_? To _smooch_? To _make out_? Sykkuno was still staring at the decoration above them, like he didn’t even know it was there to begin with. Corpse looked at him, gazed at Sykunno’s features and thought, _fuck it_? Was he really going to end the night in a fight, let his moodiness about everything effect him? Didn’t he still have an audience? _Fuck it._

Corpse trapped Sykkuno’s face softly in his hands and leaned down to capture the other man’s lips in his. It was rushed, quick, but perfect to him. Sykkuno’s lips where soft, gentle, and surprisingly responsive in his surprised state. Corpse ran his thumbs over Sykkuno’s cheeks, enjoying the feeling of holding this man’s face in his hands, the softness of his skin against his fingertips. Corpse kissed him like he would never kiss him again, heart beating out of his chest, cause really? He didn’t think Sykkuno would want to be friends anymore after this.

He parted, keeping his eyes closed. He missed the feeling of Sykkuno’s lips against his already and wanted to enjoy the sensation for just a little longer. It’s all he wanted, just to kiss him again. But he couldn’t.

When he opened his eyes and let go of his Sykkuno’s he found Sykkuno gazing at him, face full of a mixture of emotions that he couldn’t read. 

Then he let himself out.


	3. three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘Corpse, I—I,’ Sykkuno says, taking Corpse’s hand and looking at him with his dark eyes. Corpse feels his heart do a little flip, at how much he just wants to hold Sykkuno right now. ‘I don’t know how to feel about this. I know it was fake, kind of, for my family but. I actually never thought about this, about us. In this way.’
> 
> Corpse looks away. Had all the flirting through games and streaming never meant anything to him? Corpse could not understand how Sykkuno could not have thought about them, at all. It was unthinkable, unfathomable. Was Sykkuno really that dense? Corpse took his hand away from Sykkuno. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for panic attacks in this chapter
> 
> thank you to everyone who has read, commented and left kudos! I appreciate you all :)  
> also i have no clue to how many chapters this will be~

_**C’est la vie** _

_French_

  1. _used to express acceptance or resignation in the face of a difficult or unpleasant situation_



_“if you get thwarted, c’est la vie”  
  
_

Corpse woke up incredibly late the next day. Well, to say he spent most of the time in bed just staring at the ceiling and wishing he could throw himself off the face of the planet. He was feeling not the best, tasting his own stomach acid crawl it’s way up his throat as he laid there, almost motionless. The dinner he had last night, although incredibly tasty, was not good for his GERD.

Was it a dream? He was trying to remember if it really happened or not, but his head felt like it was spinning every time he tried to remember what happened. He remembers the feeling, of his lips pressed into Sykkuno’s, how his face felt as he grasped him to kiss him. Was it regret Corpse was feeling? That he wanted to just morph into the earth and not deal with any of his feelings anymore, for the bed to swallow him whole, plunging him into a deep abyss where he’d finally have his peace?

Shoving his face as far as he could manage into his beaten up pillow would have to do for now.

His phone vibrated dangerously close to the edge of his nightstand. He’d been ignoring it for hours. He raised his head to gaze at it for a moment, weighing up his options. He could feel the dried tears stiffening his face, how heavy his eyes felt with the high possibility of heavy bags under his eyes.

_Fuuuuuuuuck_.

Why did he kiss him?

Why? He could have just left, resigned to the fact Sykkuno and him would never be together, and he would’ve been okay with that. He could’ve come home, and slept. But instead, he was here, beating himself up for the situation. He wondered what the internet would think about this, if the internet ever found out. He sighed heavily and rolled to the side to look at his phone again.

Finally, curiosity jabs at him too much, and he grabs his phone before it vibrates off the table.

He lets out a low sound of confusion.

He has hundreds, no, _thousands_ of Twitter notifications. DM’s from people he knows and randoms on the internet, tags from fans. He notices some texts and discord messages from his friends too, but his eyes glue to the 53 text messages from Sykkuno, and the 26 missed calls from this morning and last night. He tears his eyes away, looking back at the Twitter notifications, wondering what this is all about. He opens Twitter to a storm.

He sits up, very, very fast, grasping his phone with a fierce hold.

_What. The. Fuck._

There’s a photo of him, Sykkuno and Sykkuno’s family posed around their Christmas tree. Everyone is smiling widely, Corpse standing awkwardly next to Sykkuno himself. Corpse’s face has been blocked with a dark blob of black, so he’s thankful to keep his anonymity, but it’s the pose Sykkuno holds that sends him crazy.

Sykkuno’s body is pressed close to his side, hand on his waist, smiling at the camera like nothing is wrong. Corpse is returning the gesture with an arm around Sykkuno’s shoulder, but the pose still looks incredibly coupley. Even if it wasn’t, a photo of the two standing next to each other still as statues would still send the internet wild. Corpse feels like all the air has been removed from his lungs, and he can’t breathe.

He does not remember when they took this photo.

He doesn’t recognise the user who posted it. How did this get posted on the internet? Corpse could feel his heart beating dangerously fast. He might’ve been okay with having a heart attack and dropping dead in this instance.

He checked some of the replies on the tweet.

_Oh my god!!!! corpsekkuno is real???_

_So they’re dating??????_

_I knew corpse was gay for sykkuno haha!!_

He can’t bring himself to read anymore of the comments. They all read in the direction of the two’s relationship and Corpse doesn’t know how much he could bare of this in this very moment. He was still dealing with the kiss and _what will Sykkuno think of me now?_ from last night, so this is just a fucking cherry on top for him.

In a moment of anger he throws his phone across the room, it falls flat on the floor. He rubs at his face furiously with his palms. Is he dreaming? Can he please be dreaming? The things he wanted to do right now; he’d do anything to let this all go away.

His phone vibrates again. So it survived the toss.

Corpse crawls out of his safe bed and retrieves it, sitting on the cool floor next to where it lay. Sykkuno is calling him again on the cracked screen, but he ignores it. He’s breathing even harder than before now.

He opens their text messages and peers at the latest one, anxiety stirring up in his chest.

**Sykkuno** : im outside your apartment door rn,

**Sykkuno** : i can wait for you

The last message was half an hour ago. Would he still be there? Corpse looked around the room, nervously before continuing reading through their messages.

**2am**

**Sykkuno** : corpse pleaes answer my calllss

**Sykkuno** : pls

**4am**

**Sykkuno** : im not... angry,, im just,,

**Sykkuno** : wdmxkxox

**8am**

**Sykkuno** : good morming!!!

**Sykkuno** : morning

**11am**

**Sykkuno** : oh my god

**Sykkuno** : corpse we really need to talk!!! please

**2pm**

**Sykkuno** : im coming over

Anxiety spiked in his chest. Wobbly, he got up and walked to his front door. He had abandoned his phone back in his room. Feebly, he turns the knob and quietly opens it into the hallway of his apartment complex. He feels like he’s right over the edge for another panic attack, like he hadn’t already had multiple that night. His breathing comes out in short gasps, like he’s unable to get enough air into his lungs.

Sykkuno is sat back against the wall opposite his door. His face is buried into his arms and knees in a type of reclined position that didn’t look too comfortable. It looked like he has been sat there for quite a while. He couldn’t tell if Sykkuno had fallen asleep.

Corpse’s heart sank. How long had Sykkuno been waiting out here? This wasn’t fair on him. Corpse was such a terrible person for making him wait; Sykkuno should just up and leave him, and never look back. Corpse could feel his body sway as he looked at the other man, who suddenly raised his head at the sudden movement in front of him. Corpse was gripping the edge of the door tightly so he doesn’t fall. He was feeling very dizzy.

‘Corpse!’ Sykkuno exclaimed, standing up on one swift motion, obviously noticing Corpse’s current state.

‘S... kkuno—”

~

Corpse wakes up. The room is very dark. It’s still, and to his surprise, empty.

His head feels like an elephant stood on it. Is currently standing on it. He needs some painkiller, ASAP. He tries to stir but he gets knocked back down, head thumping with intense pain. He lets out a low groan, kicking off the hot blanket that was on him.

There’s a paper note next to him on the sofa. He recognises the small ‘ _Corpse_ ’ written on the front as Sykkuno’s handwriting.

_Corpse,_

_I had to leave, sorry. Let me know when you wake up. Please call me._

_I left some food on the counter for you, please drink some water too. For me._

_I hope you are feeling ok._

_Sykkuno :)_

Corpse runs a hand down his face. He passed out on Sykkuno? Probably. He noticed how drained his body feels, how much his stomach is rumbling. When he checks the time on his phone he notices that it is just past eight, the sky outside his window a dark blue. _Shit_. How long did he sleep for?

He lays there for a moment, just thinking. He manages to sit up a little, holding his phone steadily and opens his messages with Sykkuno.  
  


**Corpse** : we don’t have to do this

**Corpse** : im ok

**Corpse** : just forget about me

He drops his phone onto the floor next to the sofa, laying back down and rest a hand on his forehead. ‘Fuck...’ he mutters under his breath, feeling his head spinning again. _Fuck_ , he doesn’t want to feel like this anymore. _Fuck_ , this is all his fault.

His phone is vibrating in the floor again. He quickly weighs out his options to answer, since it’s obviously Sykkuno calling him, and he decides, _fuck it_. It won’t go away if he ignores it forever. Or will it? Cautiously, he picks up his phone.

‘Syk.’ He manages, throat feeling sore and raspy. He lets his head drop onto the sofa again, letting out a low grunt of discomfort. Everything hurts.

‘Corpse, thank goodness you finally picked up. Are you okay?’

Corpse’s eyebrow twitches. Did Sykkuno see his last texts? Surely, he did.

‘Sykkuno please.’ Corpse begs, rolling onto his side, closing his eyes, ‘I’m not worth it. Please just stop.’

Corpse felt his lip tremble and an unbearable silence followed. Maybe Sykkuno already hung up? But Corpse could still hear him breathing through the phone, a tremble in his breath. Corpse bit his lip to stop him from saying anything else.

‘I need to see you, Corpse.’ Sykkuno suddenly said, quieter than usual. ‘I’ll be there in thirty minutes. Please wait for me, okay?’

Corpse let out a small noise of approval and hung up, setting his phone down again. He couldn’t help it when Sykkuno visited. He was the one who told him his address after all, in hopes the older man would visit him. And of course, he would and did.

Corpse didn’t know what to do. He’d have to deal with this eventually, but it was sooner than he thought it would be. It hadn’t been a single day yet, since he had kissed his closest friend. It hadn’t even been a day since he saw what had happened on Twitter.

So he got up and did what Sykkuno had commanded him to do on his little note. He drank some water, flinching at how it felt going down his raw and dry throat. Then he ate some of the food he had left, too out of it to notice what it was really, but now that his stomach was feeling okay and he has managed to get some sleep, the only part of him hurting was his heart.

Corpse found himself standing in the middle of the room, just waiting. After ten minutes he sighed, and decided to move location. He left his apartment and sat where Sykkuno had been sat earlier that day in the hall. He never saw anyone else here, so if he cried a little bit while he waited it would be okay. Mimicking Sykkuno’s position from earlier, he bought his knees up to his chest and hugged them, resting his chin on the rumbled fabric from yesterday. Was he still wearing the blue button up he had put on so confidently yesterday? He hadn’t noticed.

How had that been yesterday? If felt like a decade ago, like he had missed a bunch of time to get to the point he was at now. He couldn’t figure out how time was going so slowly, like someone had figured time itself out and slowed it down directly for him.

Then he heard heavy footsteps. When he looked, Sykkuno was running heavily, panting, like he had a time limit to reach Corpse. Corpse couldn’t understand why he’d do this, but when Sykkuno reached him he skidded to a stop, dropping to his knees and enveloped Corpse into a hug. Corpse was completely surrounded by the heat of him, and accepted the gesture with trembling gasps. He hadn’t noticed how on edge he was feeling again, and started letting out little sobs as Sykkuno squeezed him comfortably. He liked it, too much, the feeling of Sykkuno holding him as he cried his eyes out in the hallway of his apartment. He liked it too much, and knew he’d never be able to truely have it.

Eventually Sykkuno dragged him back inside. Corpse had tired himself out again, feeling spacey from all the emotions he had experienced. The two sat on the sofa again — Sykkuno was pressed up against him, noticeably a little tired, but more aware out of the two of them. He was scrolling through his phone, grimacing here and there at things. It was getting late.

Corpse didn’t know how Sykkuno kept his composure. He hadn’t seen him cry yet.

‘It’s getting late Sykunno, you don’t have to stay...’ Corpse started, looking at the man. Sykkuno looked up from his phone.

‘We’re talking about this now, even if it is, ten at night.’ Sykkuno started, checking his phone for the time.

Corpse didn’t say anything, reluctant. He had a lot playing on his tongue now, so many things he wanted to say, but he couldn’t manage to conjure them into real words from his mouth. So he waited for Sykkuno speak.

‘Twitter first.’ Sykkuno said, quietly, obviously going for the easiest topic first. ‘I really don’t know how that image got—’

‘I don’t care about how it got out,’ Corpse cut him off suddenly, cause really he didn’t (and there wasn’t anything he could do about it, anyway). ‘What do we do?’ He added, gruffly.

Sykkuno looked at him with surprise. ‘Well, uh, I— there’s not much we can do, it’s plastered everywhere online by now,’ he shrugged, personally not looking too bothered by the fact, ‘it’s what people think of us.’

Here it was. The whole relationship fiasco again. Exactly what he was hoping to avoid. Corpse ran a hand down his face, waiting for Sykkuno to talk again.

‘People actually think we’re dating, haha.’ Sykkuno says, letting out a small awkward chuckle at the end. Corpse looks at his own hands, avoiding Sykkuno’s gaze. ‘Corpse—’, Sykkuno starts when he notices the look on Corpse’s face, raising his eyebrows worriedly, ‘the kiss...? It wasn’t real, just for the show...?’

Corpse scrunches his eyes shut. He can’t do this. He can’t. Apart of him is telling himself to go, run, get away. Jump out of the window, escape, get in his car and never look back. Move to another country, restart life, live a quiet existence and die alone. Because of course, Sykkuno still _doesn’t_ get it. But then he _does_.

‘Oh. It was real.’ Sykkuno whispers, almost nothing coming out of his mouth. He’s never heard Sykkuno like that before, voice hardly there, emotions plastering his face when Corpse opens his eyes to see the damage. Confusion, surprise, and more confusion. Corpse wants to break down.

So he gets up.

‘We can just pretend it never happened. Please.’ He said, walking over to the kitchen. Sykkuno gets up and follows him.

‘Corpse, I—I,’ Sykkuno says, taking Corpse’s hand and looking at him with his dark eyes. Corpse feels his heart do a little flip, at how much he just wants to hold Sykkuno right now. ‘I don’t know how to feel about this. I know it was fake, kind of, for my family but. I actually never thought about this, about us. In this way.’

Corpse looks away. Had all the flirting through games and streaming never meant anything to him? Corpse could not understand how Sykkuno could not have thought about them, at all. It was _unthinkable_ , _unfathomable_. Was Sykkuno really that dense? Corpse took his hand away from Sykkuno.

‘It’s okay, Syk. He don’t have to be anything.’ He put his palms flat on his countertop, back to Sykkuno. Corpse let out a deep, long breath to steady his nerves. ‘Just forget it. The internet will too, if we just ignore it.’

So this is how he was going about it. Ignoring this huge problem until it went away. His heart ached at the thought of it, just ignoring his feelings, of him grabbing them and shoving them so deep into his heart that he could never find them again. But maybe that is what he had to do.

There was a silence that carried on for way too long, so eventually Corpse gave in and turned back to the other. He nearly jumped when he saw that Sykkuno had been crying quietly.

_Woe is me_ , Corpse thought. He hadn’t expected or meant to make Sykkuno cry.

Corpse opened his arms, and Sykkuno almost ran into them.

This time Corpse had captured Sykkuno in his arms. Sykkuno didn’t let out a lot of noise when crying, but Corpse could recognise the small trembles from his body that told him he was, in fact, crying. Corpse didn’t know what to do, but in this instance he was overjoyed to be able to hold the other man. He could feel Sykkuno’s heart beating fast against him, and wondered if Sykkuno could feel the same from him.

‘I like the idea. Of us.’ Sykkuno said quietly, after awhile. Corpse’s legs had started to feel a little numb at the base, but he was good at ignoring it. ‘I’m so, so dumb, Corpse.’

Corpse squeezed the other man. He was a little surprised to hear this.

‘Since.... when?’ Sykkuno shyly asked.

Corpse thought for a little bit. He had always liked Sykkuno. From their first meeting on _Among Us_ he had been attracted to his voice, then his looks when he found out what he looked like. But it was how Sykkuno treated him that really pulled him in, like no one had ever treated him before. And he loved that.

Corpse shook his head. He couldn’t answer that. He liked the idea of them, too. In fact, he loved the idea. It was all he wanted. But with everything going on, the internet, the confessions, he needed more than _liking the idea_. He couldn’t do this, not right now.

Corpse stepped back, breaking away from the embrace.

‘Friends?’ He said, looking painfully but seriously at the other man who gazed unsurely at him with surprise. Corpse stuck his hand out, waiting for Sykkuno to accept it like a deal.

‘Friends.’ Sykkuno mimicked hesitantly, taking Corpse’s hand in a shake with a frown on his face. Somehow, Sykkuno understood too.

Corpse allowed Sykkuno to stay for the night. After all, after everything it was nearing one in the morning, and both of them where extremely tired. Sykkuno crashed on the couch, while Corpse laid in his bed again and stared at the ceiling, thinking _c’est la vie_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have a small tumblr if u would like to say hi or check for fanfic updates!   
> come say hi at @cobaltsss ! :)


End file.
